Lounge Life (Part 2)

Who wants more lounge reviews? For someone who hadn’t been to an airport lounge before this year, I feel like I’ve seen a lot of them this year. This crop of reviews will bring me up to date, although I’ll get to see the new Centurion Studio in Seattle next weekend, so if you were sad that this would be it for lounge reviews for a while, don’t worry. Here we go:

This is a different United Club at ORD. It looks nicer than the one I’m reviewing here.

United Club, ORD (Terminal 1, C Gates)
Furnishings:
worn down and could use a refresh, but overall comfortable for waiting out a layover. Just like the one in SFO and most lounges in the US. 6/10
Cookies: some weird brownie crunch stuff. Not bad, but still lower-tier. Fun fact: United Airlines is the largest consumer of brownie crunch stuff in the world. 4/10
Snacks: Hummus and Skittles, but not mixed together (unless you’re a dick and want to ruin it for everyone).7/10
Alcohol: Or should I say “Alcohol”… 1/10
Views: Great views of multiple runways, not just planes at their gates. Also a good place to view the thunderstorm that overtook ORD and gave us a 3-hour delay (a delay that was much more enjoyable to pass in the lounge than in the terminal). 8/10
Bathrooms: More stray urine than I like to see in a bathroom. 4/10
Outlets: I didn’t have a problem finding an outlet, and the lounge was pretty packed due to the delay. 8/10
Other amenities: This is a big lounge, which is good when everyone descends on it at once. There’s also a customer service counter with multiple agents, so if you need to rebook, you won’t have to wait very long. 7/10
Final score: 45/80

If I’m going to keep reviewing lounges, I better start photographing the fuckin things or this is going to get really repetitive.

Delta Sky Club (SLC)
Furnishings:
 Diversity! There must be 20 different types of chairs in here. None are particularly comfortable, though. 6/10
Cookies: I mean, would it kill them to have a basic chocolate chip cookie? The chocolate-chocolate chip one was pretty good, but if I wanted oatmeal raisin I’d call the… uhh… Quaker Oats guy? 6/10
Snacks: Man, since when did all airport lounges decide that hummus would be their go-to? Delta has it too, but it’s prepackaged and not as good as United’s. They also had multiple soups because SOUP IS TERRIBLE. 5/10
Alcohol: I can’t remember, since I only had a diet Dr. Pepper. I’m going back in January and will update this, because I know everyone is so concerned. I think it’s better than United/American, so I’ll give it a provisional 4. 4/10
Views: Unless you like Fox News, the views in this lounge are terrible. 1/10
Bathrooms: Clean and fancier than you get in the terminal. What else do you need? 7/10
Outlets: I’ve seen reviews praising the outlet situation in this lounge, but I had to hunt for one. 5/10
Other amenities: I like the multiple seating areas, which are good for the various moods in which you might find yourself. You’ll also remember that you’re in a red state by the multiple TV monitors playing Fox News. Bottom line is that I can’t fucking stand SLC airport, so anything that isn’t the main terminal is an improvement. The Southwest concourse is maybe my least favorite area of any airport I’ve ever been to. Plus there are low ceilings and a smoking lounge where you can look at smokers like they’re zoo animals or something. God I hate that airport. 8/10
Final score: 42/80

Amex Centurion Lounge (SFO)

Furnishings: Class all the way. Tons of different options, my favorite being the padded love seats each with a power outlet built into the arm. I sat in one and read “Departures” magazine like the yuppie piece of shit I’ve always wanted to be. 9/10
Cookies: Okay, there weren’t cookies per se, although there is a rotating dessert selection that included a peanut-butter brownie that was fucking amazing. I wanted to stuff the whole tray into my carry-on, but I felt that might be frowned upon. 10/10
Snacks: As a vegetarian/vegan, I never have very high hopes for food spreads in places like this, since I know I’m not the target customer. However, I chowed down on some excellent roasted potatoes and had a great salad as well. Oh and don’t worry, they serve soup. 7/10
Alcohol: I knew that everything in this lounge was free, but I still expected to be charged for a very generous glass of Port Charlotte whisky that would go for at least $15 in a normal bar. Drinking high-end single malt before a flight is an experience I hope to repeat over and over again in this lounge. I’m not a huge wine drinker, but the wine tasting wall is pretty cool too. 10/10
Views: This lounge doesn’t face the airfield, so you don’t get any plane views, but you do get views of people in the terminal not having as good a time as you’re having. 2/10
Bathrooms: I’m mad at myself that I didn’t look at the bathrooms, because I bet they’re swanky as hell. I’m just gonna leave it at a 7 for now, but that’s probably doing it a disservice. 7/10
Outlets: Oh they’ve got outlets, don’t worry. 10/10
Other amenities: I love this lounge. Honestly this was first lounge I went to that was actually fun to visit in its own right and not just a better option than the shitty terminal. It makes sense if you think about it: given the relative shittiness of many airports, lounges are pretty complacent, but Amex upended that thinking with the Centurion concept. 10/10
Final score: 65/80

Requisite question designed to spur a flurry of responses in the comments section: What’s YOUR favorite dessert you’ve had at a Centurion lounge?

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