I made my triumphant return to Finland last month (vaikka en vielä puhu suomea hyvin), and one of my priorities this time was to decide whether I’m cut out for eventually moving to Finland by assessing my ability to tolerate, nay enjoy, Finnish licorice. I’m not sure by what mechanism I’d ever be able to effect a move to Finland in the first place, but it’s good to have goals, right?
Anyway, like in most of the Nordics, licorice is super popular in Finland, specifically the salty variety (salmiakki in Finnish). Fun fact: the salt in Salmiakki is from ammonium chloride rather than normal table salt, and it definitely has a noticeably different taste. Sure, it’s salty AF, but it’s salty with an attitude. It’s almost as if it’s salty on an emotional as well as a sensory level. However, ammonium chloride isn’t the only game in town, and so I decided to round out my selection of two different types of salmiakki with a box of the famous “Sisu,” as well as the delicious-sounding tar-flavored licorice, “Leijona.” My pledge to myself was that I was going to finish all four boxes — not all at once, but eventually. Otherwise, I might chuck them out the minute the first salty pastille started to burn a hole in my tongue, resigned to the fact that my soft American constitution would never know the true meaning of Sisu.
First impressions:
Fazer Salmiakki Original: Jesus fuck this is salty. The saltiness is brighter, more acidic than something traditionally salty like potato chips. It’s what I imagine touching your tongue to a 9V battery would feel like. Like I mixed a bunch of table salt and lemon juice into a sludge, heated it up, and then dipped my tongue in there and held it there. Is there even licorice in this? And I’m supposed to eat this entire box?
Fazer Salmiakki Super: Oh thank fuck, it’s less salty despite being called “Super.” I was legitimately dreading it. I’m gonna spend the first ten seconds or so just enjoying the fact that my eyes aren’t bleeding (from saltiness?) right now. There’s something herbal in here too, which is actually pretty nice. While it’s not spicy, the saltiness does have a really hot feeling in the mouth, and this herbal/menthol aspect is definitely helping cool me down. Final impression: okay, despite everything I said, this is still really damn salty.
Sisu Xylitol: Overpowering. Not salty, but my mouth is being assaulted by waves of menthol that’s extremely astringent. This isn’t like a cough drop; it’s almost bitter, and I think my eyes might be watering. I’m certainly glad to be in my hotel room right now and not somewhere where a real Finn might see this. This candy has made me feel deeply ashamed.
Leijona: Well, there’s a sugar coating on these, so you get lulled into a false sense of security when the few seconds relax you with a fairly sweet, mild licorice flavor. Then the tar hits. Hot, wet tar, like taking little bites out of a freshly paved road on a hot summer day. Then menthol, just like the Sisu, only stronger. The flavor of these lasts forever… the tar starts to subside and it’s intensely bitter. I swear two minutes have gone by and this little pastille is still off-gassing intense flavors all over my mouth. It starts to subside, and I’m left in a state of profound confusion… did I actually enjoy that? I eat another one and marvel at how stunningly unpleasant it is. Afterwards, I contemplate eating a third one.
Impressions after spending a long time trying to get used to them:
Fazer Original/Super: After half a box of each type, these are worrying me, because I’m just not getting over the hump with the saltiness. Given that, as salmiakki goes, these aren’t particularly extreme (they don’t even have salt crystals crusted all over the outside), I’m not sure I’m ever going to be able to pass as an honorary Finn. (Miksi edes yritän opiskella suomea???) My one breakthrough so far is that I’m able to at least recognize that there is licorice flavor here despite the saltiness. The originals are probably my least favorite of the four — they’re nice enough at first, but as you chew on them, the licorice flavor fades out and leaves only the saltiness. As for the Super, they still have that nice menthol note on top of everything else, but the saltiness permeating all other flavors makes this something I would never eat unless it was part of a self-imposed challenge. I’ll come back and update this post if my opinion changes when I finally finish the whole box, but don’t hold your breath.
Sisu: Okay, now I’m starting to build my confidence back up, because after half a box of these, I really like them. I eat these for fun and not just as part of the challenge. Now that I’m more accustomed to the astringent/medicinal flavors, I can appreciate the licorice element, which was totally obscured at first. These are great after dinner or to clear out the aftertaste from my morning coffee. Now I have to try all the other flavors of Sisu, because there are apparently a bunch of spicy ones, as if these weren’t strong enough already.
Leijona: I’m almost finished with this box, and I’m sad I won’t be able to get more. Leijona is truly like nothing else I’ve ever eaten — I’d liken it to the way cask-strength whisky burns so good that your eyes water, and then you immediately go for another sip. Leijona has so many flavor notes that downright unappetizing (acrid, bitter, medicinal), yet it all works together to produce an unforgettable candy experience. I will say, though, that I have to be in the mood for it. Of the four initial contestants, Sisu is probably my favorite, but I have the most respect for Leijona. I ate one of these in the car with Justine and she made me spit it out because I guess my eating it made the car smell like cat urine (???). Anyway, like I said, I respect that.
In conclusion, if the Finnish government will consider my sincere fondness for Sisu and Leijona despite not liking actual salmiakki, I might have a shot. I’m headed back to Helsinki in May of next year, at which point I will replenish my backstock of Sisu and Leijona and start testing out the spicy flavors that will probably make these four look like baby food. If you have a recommendation for me, by all means leave it in the comments. I’m looking forward to putting myself through a lot of pain and nausea in order to prove my mettle as an honorary Finn.
Windbag Miles 